When Sweet Revenge Isn't So Sweet

By Gini Graham Scott

Sometimes It's Better to Wait Than to Act in Haste

Sometimes the notion of "sweet revenge" can seem so fitting. Someone has promised to meet your deadline at work and hasn't come through despite repeated assurances. A boss has been unreasonably threatening if you don't complete that lengthy report for his presentation with new clients, and doesn't give you credit when you come through. A client tells you she's going to hire you for her next project, but she hires a friend instead.

You may be thinking that sweet revenge might be just the ticket to get back at those who wrong you, particularly if you believe no one will find out, such as if you send an anonymous letter or phone tip to a regulatory agency or company higher-up.

Think again. Sometimes sweet revenge isn't so sweet, and the fire you start can come back and burn you severely.

That's what happened to Betty when she contacted a recently hired PR person for product information for a company newsletter she was writing. Betty had just written an overview about companies that offer a gourmet foods delivery service. And now she wanted a sample of a typical lunch delivery so that she could include a personal reaction in her article. In fact, her boss asked her to do this.

After some back and forth, Jane, the PR person for the service, said she would check about meeting Betty's deadline. An hour later, Jane sent an e-mail saying Betty should find the PR person who represented the product itself, since the service only delivered it. Betty got even angrier about Jane's note at the end, which suggested that Betty had been overly demanding, rude and unprofessional in her persistent requests.

Betty mulled over the possibilities in her own mind and with others. She could write a nasty letter to Jane telling her off for her own "rude and unprofessional" behavior. She could call Jane's boss and report the incident. Betty thought she would appear altruistic, even as she savored thinking that Jane might lose her job.

Yet should Betty really exact revenge? For all the fleeting satisfaction she might feel, any revenge could easily backfire. An angry e-mail could lead to an escalating war of words, and even if sent anonymously it could eventually be traced to Betty.

It's better to deal with your feelings privately and find a more constructive way to respond. Instead of seeking revenge, wait until your anger has subsided. Call or write the person and ask to have a discussion. If they agree, dispassionately describe what happened and how it made you feel, with an eye to improving your relationship in the future. It's an ideal approach with a peer or subordinate, and thought it can be tricky, even if the perpetrator is your boss, you'll need to clear the air in this way.

Today's Take-Aways:

·         Sweet revenge is not sweet at all; it sours and leaves a bitter taste.

·         The problem with seeking revenge is it often ends up seeking you.

Do you have a problem with relationships at work or in your business? Send an e-mail with a description of what happened and your phone number to Gini Graham Scott at GiniS@aol.com.

Gini Graham Scott is a specialist in organizational, consumer, and audience behavior, conflict resolution and creativity. Her latest books are Work With Me! Resolving Everyday Conflict in Your Organization (Davies-Black) and The Innovative Edge (Ronin Publishing).

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