Friday, June 15, 2001

When to Walk Away

By Gini Graham Scott

Some Business Relationships Just Aren't Worth Saving

You've probably heard the line from the old Kenny Rogers hit, "The Gambler"--"You've got to know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run..."

Well, what applies to playing cards and business deals applies to work relationships, too. That's what one of my clients, let's call her Susan, discovered when a long-term social relationship that evolved into a work relationship broke down.

Susan, an administrative assistant in a big company, was used to seeing "Anna" at parties, at an after-work pub, and at occasional Chamber of Commerce socials. Soon they were friends, talking about personal experiences and get-togethers. Susan told Anna about her plans to develop a career doing public relations and advertising, initially alongside her current work. A few months later, when Anna started a training program for executives and managers on motivating and rewarding employees, she hired Susan to promote it.

At first, the relationship seemed like a match made in heaven. Anna raved about Susan's ideas and copy, using superlatives like: "You're the greatest!" "You've got a real gift!" Between conversations about work, they also took time to chat about the latest parties and gossip. "I'll deduct that time from my billing," Susan said.

But over the next months, Anna became more and more demanding. She called Susan to ask for a few minutes of advice here and there, and when Susan added these to the bill, Anna got angry. "You're nickel and diming me. That's no way to treat your customers." So Susan backed down, not wanting to hurt both a client and a friend.

You can probably guess where this is going. Again and again, Anna criticized something Susan was doing, and Susan smoothed it over by apologizing and sometimes adjusting the bill. The situation came to a head when Susan gave up a weekend to meet a deadline, yet Anna complained of mistakes Susan felt were not her fault, and told Anna she didn't want to haggle over who was to blame.

"How can I pay you anything if you won't discuss what went wrong?" Anna asked.

For a moment Susan considered what to do, then finally said: "Well, then don't pay me at all."

And so she walked away, giving up about $1,000 in income. Yet for Susan, leaving felt liberating. She had been trying to preserve the friendship for too long. Afraid to confront Anna and threaten the relationship, Susan had backed down--until now.

Such scenarios happen again and again. You are new to doing something. You are afraid to rock the boat. You feel something is wrong in what the other person is asking of you, but you aren't sure. When that happens, it may be worth it to simply walk away and let that relationship go. Whether you are firing a customer, breaking the ties with a friend, or leaving a difficult boss or job, it's time to move on. You may have to experience some financial or psychic cost to do so. But in the long run, the act of disconnecting is worth it.

Today's Take-Away:

When a relationship is sinking, don't get stuck holding on too long. It's time to let go-- and go.

Do you have a problem with relationships at work or in your business? Send an e-mail with a description of what happened and your e-mail address and phone number to Gini Graham Scott at GiniS@aol.com.

Gini Graham Scott is a specialist in organizational, consumer, and audience behavior, conflict resolution and creativity. Her latest books are Work With Me! Resolving Everyday Conflict in Your Organization (Davies-Black) and The Innovative Edge (Ronin Publishing).

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